As you read this title, you may be thinking, “this chic is crazy – how can anger be a gift??”. True, many of us have been taught to suppress anger, hide it, pretend we are fine, etc. Throughout my life, I have learned to be a master at suppressing my anger simply because, well, quite honestly… it scared me. I buried it deep – until I learned a few things about how to control it rather than letting it control me.

Anger is a side of us that we may think of as unattractive -the feelings of losing control of ourselves and our emotions, words lashing out that we most likely will regret, and then the shame that comes along with all that. Let’s face it – it can be U-G-L-Y. We as humans, at times, tend to blame others for our emotions. Yep, it’s true. The first step is in admitting that quite possibly, we may do that. Just flirt with the idea a moment, and be honest with yourselves. No judgment, just truth. Ready for the good news? There are steps we can taketo change that.

Take Responsibility

Many times, as intense emotions are evoked within us, it gives us a chance to evaluate where it comes from and why. We tend to blame others when things do not go our way, or when someone does something to us that makes us feel a certain way. The first important point to remember is that NO ONE is responsible for your feelings except YOU. You have complete control of how you react or respond to others and the world around you. It is a choice. Once you begin to make it a conscious choice, it becomes easier to let go of things. As we learn to take greater responsibility for ourselves and our emotions, we empower ourselves to deeper levels. We become more grounded within ourselves, and less swayed by others reactive emotions. Imagine the level of satisfaction in no longer engaging with someone trying to rattle your chains. Just let it roll off. How does that feel?

Conflict Resolution

When we engage with someone with whom we disagree with, how does anger serve us there? Or does it? Think back to the last time you had an argument with someone. Was there screaming and yelling, and emotions flying all over? Did it feel good? Was anything resolved? True, some people like the chaos and passion of a good ole fashion argument, but typically speaking, how quickly do things get resolved in that state? Many times, neither party is truly listening because they are too busy playing defense. Instead, what if you really listened to that person in front of you. It is true that you may disagree with them, but both of you deserve the respect to be heard. Many times, anger will be diffused just by having another person present and interested in what we are saying. We have the ability to completely shift the surrounding energy of a situation if we choose to. We are pretty powerful beings!

I know… it appears that I am only saying to disengage from or transmute your anger. How is it a gift, you ask? Here is where it comes full circle.


Anger surfaces to show us changes that need to be made, so we can step into the best versions of ourselves. When something or someone challenges us and creates a space that is uncomfortable, we want to change or avoid it. It empowers us to make those changes that we may have been afraid to address in the past. It sparks a fire within us that gives us the courage to make those changes, and the conviction to see it to completion. Anger is a clear indication that something is not right within our world and that it is time to move through it!


Anger is an active emotion. It creates movement. Have you ever been so angry that you found yourself fantasizing about having an hour alone with a punching bag? Before I learned how to allow my anger to serve me, I literally asked for one for Christmas. That is all I wanted. Seriously. Anger forces us to take action – one way or the other. Now, what I am about to say is one of the most important things you will ever read… Are you ready? You have a choice how to use this exciting, motivating, moving, empowering energy! Repeat – YOU have a CHOICE how to use it. How will you make it work FOR you?


Anger, obviously, is something that comes in with a force. It is something that is undeniable. It can be so loud sometimes, that other things cease to exist. It is beautiful in its form really. I know you think I am crazy again, but just hear me out. Anger lets us know, without a doubt, what we need to work on. Have you ever asked yourself why you got so angry about this or that? Have you gone in, and given it much thought? Anger will expose pieces of ourselves that need healing. It is an old wound that someone just poured salt into. It aggravates instantly and draws our focused attention there. Many times, we receive information from our instincts, friends, loved ones, guidance, etc, about soul work that needs to addressed. These messages come in gently at first, like soft waves lapping on a shoreline. If we are not tuned into that gentle frequency, a storm begins to brew, and the messages come in with more force. If we still choose to ignore those messages, all the sudden, we find ourselves in the middle of a CAT 5 hurricane with twisters spewing off all angles with no shelter from the storm. That, my friends, is your anger. So loud that you cannot deny it. That is your gift from self that indicates the need to spend time, go in, and heal. Once you begin the healing process and honor those pieces of yourselves, your experiences will settle back down and life will once again become rainbows and unicorns.

Remember, lessons will continue to surface until we choose to learn them.

Yeah, thanks. We got that!!

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