My abuse began when I was three days old.

Growing up in a profoundly toxic and abusive environment, I found myself constantly walking on eggshells. Anything could set off the emotionally fragile individuals that were my family of origin, and I took it on as my job to stabilize everyone. I did not understand the complexity of it then, but my ultimate motivation was simply to stay safe and survive.

I was pregnant and living on the streets when I was 16, as the streets were a kinder place than my home. My crew ended up being the drug addicts, the misfits, and those who felt discarded by their families or society—the ones who also were in deep pain. I ultimately placed my beautiful daughter for adoption as I could not imagine bringing this sweet child into the world that I knew. Although it was my choice, losing my daughter was devastating. Nothing could fill that void. 

I was in deep pain, suicidal, and felt somewhere in between worlds, not knowing where I fit in. 

Life was what it was—painful at pretty much every turn. I knew there had to be something better, and I continued to stay optimistic even though life was not showing me that reality...yet. 

Only knowing the world as a cruel place, I developed beliefs about what I needed to do to survive. I began the habit of shouldering the emotional burdens of those around me. Little did I realize that this pattern would become ingrained in my identity, leading to immense personal struggle.

I got married, had two beautiful girls, and was building my healing business, but was still deeply tormented within. The only place I felt like myself was when I was in “mom” or “healer” mode. Everything else felt like a twisted version of myself. All I knew was to be accommodating to others so I would not be harmed or hurt. But, when all you know is dysfunction, and you continue to play that part, the only thing that comes in is…more dysfunction. I did not know what to do or how to heal.

 It wasn't until decades later, after my divorce, that life presented me with the ultimate teacher—a textbook narcissist—that I began to understand.

After enduring ten months with this individual, I found myself depleted, isolated from friends, financially strained, and disconnected from my own essence. My soul felt fractured. It was then that I hit rock bottom and made a crucial decision.

Enough was enough.

I could no longer prioritize everyone else's needs over my own. I could no longer sacrifice myself. I was done being a people-pleaser to people who could not be pleased. I was done offering everything I had to those who always wanted more.  I began to realize that no matter what I did to help others, if they were not prepared to help themselves, my energy would be wasted.

It was time to choose myself and stop being a victim of other people's dysfunction. 

I lacked the energy even to feel guilty about this seemingly selfish act, but for the first time, I prioritized... ME.

With no clear path forward, I was determined to find one. In that pivotal moment, my life took a profound turn.

I realized that I had still been living in survival mode - financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I felt deeply alone. I did not understand why God would allow such abuse to someone who came from a place of wanting to help and love others. I could not understand how the world could be so cruel at every turn. I hated the struggle and carried suicidal ideations as my only source of peace. 

I wondered WTF the point was.

Over the years, my life consisted of shedding limiting beliefs and embracing a new way of living. As I grew, so did my desire to share what I'd learned. My life transformed into one filled with love, success in my endeavors, and a sense of purpose I'd never known before.

This shift was both captivating and liberating. I've never looked back, dedicating myself to helping others break free from their struggles and realize their potential.

I embraced my gifts of "the Clairs" more deeply. It dawned on me that although my empathic and psychic abilities were heightened by past trauma, I didn't have to cling to that trauma to access my gifts. Free from the weight of limitation, my connection with non-physical beings grew stronger, amplifying my abilities in ways I never imagined. It was a transformative shift, and everything about my experience changed.

As lightworkers, healers, coaches, and purpose-driven individuals, we have a significant role to play. While we may aspire to change the world, our primary focus must be on our own healing and growth. Only by traversing our own darkness can we guide others through theirs.

I do believe I'm so much more than the pain I endured and have always known I have a big job to do here. But the true essence of that greatness lies not in changing the world, but in transforming ourselves. Helping others heal and thrive is the beautiful byproduct of this inner work.