They say if we want to change something within ourselves, we must first accept it. How do we accept something we do not like? Also, is it necessary to accept it? We know that what we resist persists. So what happens when we are not happy with a component of our lives and how do we move into a state of acceptance so we can embrace it, grow from it, and release it for good?

When we are in resistance to something, we actually end up holding that aspect very close, as opposed to pushing it away. We not only find ourselves in the process of holding, but also with-holding a part of ourselves from coming forward in full acceptance of who we are, who we could be, and what we possess within.

We think if we reject something, we are clear with the universe we do not want it. However, think about how much effort we exert towards that thing we are trying to reject. We are instead leaning in the direction of it. Law of Attraction says we will create what we place our energy on. When we focus on not wanting something, we are still directing energy towards it, thus drawing it closer.


How do we release what is not serving us?

The more we get to know our inner worlds, the more we can create what we want in our lives. Some aspects we contain have been hidden, masked, suppressed, oppressed, neglected, or ignored. Most times, we tend to ignore our shadow parts. Shadow parts are the wounded pieces of Self that have not yet been illuminated. Just because these pieces have been in the dark, does not mean they are wrong or should be disregarded. In fact, these are the parts that need the most love, attention, and healing. They usually consist of parts of ourselves we do not want to acknowledge or others to see.

They can include:

  • Insecurities
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of abandonment
  • Anger/Rage
  • Frustration
  • Jealousy
  • Envy
  • Etc.

We can tend to perceive these pieces as bad based on learned acceptable feelings or behavior. Suppressed emotions can be uncomfortable as they surface because we may have learned we should not feel that way. Sometimes shame can surface, and we can feel like there is something wrong with us.


How to love yourself through your Shadows

Once you permit yourself to enter the realm of your shadows, you begin to gain deeper understanding and wisdom of Self and can heal those pieces. Just as with any other lessons we are meant to learn, when your feelings and experiences intensify, the universe is alerting you of what is ready to heal.

If you have an experience that triggers a strong emotional response, ask yourself what is trying to surface from within you. Instead of stuffing your feelings, lashing out, or attempting to change someone else’s behavior to make you feel better, pause in the experience. Go within and identify your emotions. Honor them. Follow them in.

For example, if you are feeling rejected or abandoned, what within you might be happening? Is this a reflection of an experience you had at a younger age? Is this a belief about yourself and your deservingness of love and acceptance? Do you love and accept yourself, or are you caught in a negative loop with your backstory? Do you feel ashamed of your feelings? Do you ignore them because they are uncomfortable?

If you feel rejected, go into the feelings of rejection. Why do you feel that way? Now is no time to place blame on anyone. Now is time to take full responsibility for yourself and all the lessons you came in here to learn. Now is time to accept all pieces of you. Now is time to love yourself.

We incarnate to learn specific lessons. We are all provided with contrast so we can learn what we do not want, which then propels us in the direction of what we do. This is the journey. These lessons are not to punish you. They are presented to help you in your evolutionary process. If you never experienced what you do not like, you would never make moves to grow in a new direction. You are experiencing this contrast because you chose to learn these lessons coming in. That choice means you have the tools to navigate it, manage it, and thrive from it.


It’s now time to remember that.



  1. Do you serve persons who live out of state? Do you provide free phone consultations? How long do you normally work with a client, before they are “healed”?

    1. Author

      Hello and thank you for your post. I do work with people out of state. Much of my work is distance work and have clients all over the world. I do offer complimentary consults to learn more about you and to explain options to work with me.

      Each person heals at a different pace. It depends on how deep the traumas run, how much self-work you have done or are willing to do, and how resistance you are to healing. Many people want to heal but are in their own way as they fear change at a deep level. I help to move people out that resistance but can only move as quickly as they are ready to.

      Let me know if you would like to explore more and if you would like to chat.

  2. I just discovered you on Daily Om and am feeling so grateful! I love how the Universe gives us what we need when we are ready. I have days with great flow and synchronicity but am still experiencing blocks and pain in my body. Your words resonate deeply with me and I am ready to at last move forward. I have been experiencing illness for many years and understand now that I must do the energy work to heal the blocks etc in my body in order to move forward. I was wondering if you ever do weeklong intensive retreats? If so I would love to participate! If not I would like to work with you by phone. I look forward to hearing from you and moving forward! With love and light, B

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